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How to “find” a Japanese Boyfriend: Where to meet guys in Japan. Dating in Japan is fun. Dating in any culture can be fun – if you go about it in the right way. The fact of the matter is, when you date in another country, it can be difficult to find a partner. Often the rules are different (and things like that). I don’t advocate trying to find a “Japanese boyfriend” simply because you want a “Japanese boyfriend” – but if you are trying to possibly find a potential partner here in Japan, I wanted to write a post on how exactly people seem to find their significant others.
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I have a handful of friends here in Tokyo that are dating, engaged to, or married to people here in Japan. В and all of us have different “how I met my boyfriend” or “how I met my girlfriend” stories. Some of these stories have little nuggets of wisdom for if you’re trying to meet someone in Japan; some don’t. Over the last couple weeks, I’ve sat down with friends (or Skyped) asking how exactly they met their Japanese boyfriend, so I could write this post on how to meet people in Japan. Typically men (especially white men) have a much easier time finding potential partners in Japan – so I geared this post specifically for women looking for a male partner in Japan. I found there are two “types” of ways to go about finding a potential Japanese boyfriend: the “nanpa” and the friend turned boyfriend. But before I go further, I’d like to share a comment someone posted (that resonates with me): You need to.
В realize that the partner of a specific nationality needs to also be somewhat compatible and that you are looking not just for “exotic goods” but for someone that you will love as a whole (not just because of. В their ethnicity). Especially when given the fact that eventually you are going to have to communicate effectively. If you are going to be with someone outside of the country it takes a lot of heart, if you’re only looking for a “Japanese boyfriend” then you aren’t going to find someone you love. Instead, you might.
В find a thing you wanted, break their heart, and discard it because it wasn’t the wonderful easy fantasy that you hoped it would be. If you want a Japanese guy to try to pick you up/hit on you, try to: 1. Walk around looking lost (dress nicely and stand in front of a map) [weird, right? If you dress nicely and stand in front of a sign, in a matter of time, someone will come up to you and help you out. Apparently. Sometime they are a young Japanese female adult who studied abroad; sometimes they are a young, attractive Japanese man who wants to help out a lost foreigner. If you two hit it off, exchange email addresses.
If not, thank them for their help and follow their directions (and come back a bit later and stand in front of the sign). I know this because I’ve gotten lost a number of times and have been approached/hit on by a guy trying to help me find my way in this city (and by the way, do I need a tour guide?).
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They’re usually very nice when I politely decline and tell them I’m married. Drink at a “Gaijin bar” like HUBA lot of Japanese men go to so- called “gaijin bars” looking to talk to foreign women. And, you know, vice versa (Japanese women going to meet foreign men). I’ve only been hit on once in a HUB – I was ordering a drink at the bar for my husband and I. The Japanese man just walked up (not subtle at all) and asked if I was at the bar alone. I pointed to my husband.
He walked away. I have a friend who went on a couple dates with a guy she met at a bar. It didn’t work out in the end, but she had a fun time. Go to a Night Club or Concert. Concerts are also a neat way to meet people. Pretty much the entire reason my husband hates it when we go clubbing is because a lot of Japanese men go to nightclubs (especially “foreign nightclubs”) to meet Western women. I can’t count the number of American/European friends who have gotten a date and/or a good time from someone they met at a nightclub. Onlinedating Sites read more. The only downsides are the price (clubs can be anywhere from 2,0.
Japanese man hitting on you is married (he often is). Waiting around in busy places. Lots of stations have. В a sort of waiting area.
Friends meet friends, boyfriends wait for their girlfriends to show up. If you hang out alone (or with another female friend), there’s a pretty high chance someone will come up to you and start chatting. The Hachiko exit in Shibuya is one of the iconic meeting places in Japan.
It’s really, really crowded. People kind of just hang out around the crossing, the dog statue, and the green train (Hachiko was the dog that waiting for his owner for years at this train station, even though the owner passed away at work – and never came home.
It’s a sweet and sad story). Most of the people who come up to talk to you are trying to sell you something/pass out a sample, but I’ve seen some pretty successful nanpa- ing happen at the Hachiko exit.
At a Train Station/by making flirty eyes on the train. In my year and a half in Tokyo, most of my “nanpa” attempts (when a Japanese man tries to ‘pick up’ a woman) happened in train stations. Sometimes I was waiting for a friend, sometimes I was rushing to make a train connection. Japanese men will just walk right up to you and start talking. I also know a couple that met at random on the train, started talking, hit it off, and are still together, two years later. To increase the chances of being “nanpa- ed,” make lots of eye contact and smile. Tips for getting a Japanese man to make the first move: 1.
Make lots of eye contact (don’t be shy!)2. Smile. 3. Give him the up- down.
Keep making eye contact (and look as friendly, inviting as possible)5. Virginia Metalcrafters Dating read more. Play with your hair (that’s big in Japan)6. If you two make a connection, swap email address. In Japan “email addresses” means your phone email address. In Japan, you don’t text to a phone number, you have to text to an email address.
Something to keep in mind. Things to watch out for when a Japanese man tries to pick you up.
Don’t accept any drinks he gives you. Check to see if he is married (if you care). The divorce rate is rather low in Japan – but I can’t count the number of Japanese couple friends Ryosuke and I have who are cheating on their wife/fianc.
Г©/girlfriend. It’s just a different culture. If you don’t mind dating and/or ‘going steady’ with a Japanese man who is married, you shouldn’t have any problems.
He won’t divorce his wife (like, ever), but I’ve heard that married lovers are the best in Japan. They’re supposed to low- key and fun. It’s complicated. I wouldn’t do it (personally), but I have a number of friends who have. Don’t give out your email/phone number if you’re really not interested.
They will call. It can get frustrating. Likewise, if you’re not into the guy, consider giving a fake name. Use your judgment. Take a train together rather than a cab, so you know where you’re going (if you’re going back to his place). If you want to be friends with a Japanese man first, establish some trust and boundaries, and THEN go on a date, you should try: 1. A Hobby Circle or Club. A hobby circle is basically a club of people with similar interests.
People who like photography get together and take pictures; writers get together and talk about writing; cooking enthusiasts get together and cook; people who like old movies get together and watch old movies.“Circle” in Japan refers to a small- not very intense club with semi- loose membership. It’s a great way to meet people in Japan (both dating and friends). Most of the websites are in Japanese. If the website is in Japanese, you have a much higher chance of running into a Japanese man at the events. If you don’t speak Japanese, I highly recommend trying the Tokyo Meetup events (http: //www. I belong to freelance, writing, and social change circles. Also, funny plug, Ryosuke and I were on national Japanese TV earlier this month.
If you want to watch, click here. Joining a Martial Arts Club. Aikido, Kendo, Karate, and Kyudo martial arts clubs are a great way to meet Japanese people AND learn a lot about the culture. They can be pricey (depending on the sport), but I highly recommend joining a martial arts team.
Members often get together outside of practice (or hang out in between breaks), making it a great way to get closer to a Japanese man you are potentially interested in dating. Doing private English lessons. If you want to make some money on the side, not worry about putting yourself out there, and meet Japanese men, teaching private English lessons is the job for you. Many people do private. В English lessons in Japan (especially in college/if they’re young). It’s a very lucrative business. Most are just meeting up with the “student” (businessman, housewife, teenager, etc) and talk for an hour and talk in English.
Most people charge between 2. A lot of my friends used the website. В Hello Sensei. В (you make a profile, list your price, etc, and students contact you directly). I had a friend who started dating one of her “students” from the same site- he was a company worker and supposedly a really nice guy. Another friend went on a couple of dates with one of the people I had met with earlier (who left after finding out I was in a relationship) – she taught him English for a month before they started going on dates instead of lessons. The entire thing was pretty funny.
But it’s also the reason I don’t teach private English lessons anymore. It just gets too confusing – with blurred lines between “lessons” and “dates.” 4. Guest Houses and Hostels. No joke, I have several friends who have gone on dates with Japanese men they met at a guest house, hotel, or hostel.
It’s surprisingly un- sketchy. A lot of travelers, well, travel alone. Most guest houses have a common area. Some Japanese men also travel (alone) and others choose to live in a hotel while they are apartment hunting/taking a break from “life.”I stayed in a capsule hotel for three days a couple of months ago (I wanted to see what it would be like to actually live in a capsule hotel) and chatted with a couple of people in the common room. I mostly ignored them because I wasn’t feeling social and just wanted to blog – but if you’re not a jerk (like me), you probably have a good chance of actually meeting people at your guest house. At a friend’s party.
Going to hanami, going to a friend’s house, or hanging out at an izakaya with friends (and their friends) is, of course, a great way to meet people. If you want to date a Japanese man, make sure your Japanese female friends know. They can help set you up.
If you don’t have a lot of Japanese friends, though, this one doesn’t work very well. Through a friend. I am a huge advocate for dating friends of friends.
I met Ryosuke through a friend (though, to be fair, we lived in the same dorm, so we would have met eventually). When you date a friend of a friend, you already have someone who can vouch for their character. You also know they’re not married, they don’t already have kids, they aren’t a psycho stalker, and they are a fairly “normal” and functioning member of society (always a big plus).
Bonus! A picture of Ryosuke and I with the mutual friend that introduced us to each other : )7. Gokon dating party.
Similar to dating the friends of friends, a gokon dating party is a great way to meet other people who actually want a relationship. A gokon is when a group of women and an equal number of men meet at a bar. People pair off into couples as the night progresses.
Some go home together; some make plans to meet up later for a date; some leave alone. Usually a gokon will be organized by a girl (who brings four of her friends) and a guy friend (who brings five of his friends). There are loose connections, but most people meet for the first time at a gokon party. They can get a bit expensive, since gokon parties typically happen at all- you- can eat/drink restaurants. It’s also difficult, as a foreigner, to get invited to a gokon. Just make sure all your Japanese friends know you want to go on a gokon – so they might invite you next time around. At an English (or other language) exchange group.
I’m not joking – half of the Japanese men who go to language exchange groups go to meet foreign women. The other half goes because they actually want to learn the language. Still, half is a large amount. If you want to meet and date a Japanese man, go to a language exchange group. Find a hottie in the corner. Talk with him in English (or whatever chosen language the group meets for).
Tell him he’s fun to talk to and you want to meet again. Exchange email addresses. There, you’ve just scored a date. Just a note – of my friends who are dating/married to Japanese men, this one seems to have the highest success rate. It’s a great, low- key and no- pressure way to meet Japanese men in Japan. At a Japanese language exchange group. Similar to the first one, but change the genders around.
There aren’t as many Japanese language exchange groups in Japan as there are English exchange groups – so these are a bit harder to find. But essentially the only people who go to Japanese language exchange groups are foreigners who want to learn Japanese and Japanese people who want to help foreigners. Right off the bat, you have a nice sample set of men that want to meet and help cute, foreign women with their very difficult, complicated Japanese language.
Overall tips if you want to date in Japan: 1. Dress the part. Looks are very important in Japan. Hair, makeup, clothing style – the whole ensemble seems to matter to men a lot more in Japan than in America. You don’t have to “dress Japanese,” but do take care of your hygiene and style. Ditch the sweatpants, jeans, and band T- shirts.
But you don’t have to “dress Japanese.” You can have your own style. Don’t try to pretend to be something you’re not. Some guys prefer the super- frilly or cutesy style, some don’t.
I can’t make any generalizations about Japanese men – because everyone is different. You also don’t have to “act Japanese.” If he wanted to date a Japanese girl, he would. Be yourself. 4. It’s ok to make the first move.
Don’t push him to commit to fast. A lot of couples I know have interesting dating stories. What I mean by that is that the man thought they had been dating (exclusively) for a month and a half, while the girl thought they were just friends. Some couples move very quickly in Japan; others don’t. So don’t push your man to commit to a “Facebook Official” relationship before he is ready.
Also, breaking up in Japan is a lot different than in Western countries. Often, you won’t even know you’re being dumped until it’s too late (and/or you’ve been “broken up” according to him for 3 weeks). You don’t have to meet his friends/family.
That’s a pretty big step in Japan. It can take girls (even me) nearly a year of dating before meeting the parents. Some people are shy about that kind of thing; others aren’t. Tengo Suenio read more. Understand that you will have all sorts of communication and cultural problems. Arguing isn’t bad – it just means you still have things to learn about each other. Arguing in America is very different than arguing in Japan – it’s one of the hardest hurdles my husband and I have dealt with.
Have fun! If it’s not fun, break up and try again. You don’t “owe” them anything. You need to take care of you.